She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
