Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize