U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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