I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
