the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
