ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
