Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
