Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
