I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
