speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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