oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
