Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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