NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
