chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
