im drinking this country out of the recession.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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