Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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