walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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