doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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