so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
