so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
