Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
