Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
