I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize