You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
