Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize