Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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