Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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