worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
