Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My life is pants optional.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
