he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize