My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
