The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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