I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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