2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
