Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
