The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
