she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
