btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize