butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
