yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do herpes really smell.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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