i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
