I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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