I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
