But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
