i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
