Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
