We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
