My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize