we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What a dumb baby whore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize