meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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