I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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