There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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