I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
