guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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