So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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