So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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