would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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