now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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