As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
