That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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