Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
