just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
