Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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