i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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