Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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