Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
