Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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