turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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