Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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