you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
