I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
