found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize