when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
