That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
