please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
