Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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